Simpsons Friday

Readers seem to enjoy my Simpsons Friday posts - and let's face it - they never get old:

Homer: English, who needs that? I'm never going to England!

Burns: Oh, 'meltdown'. It's one of those annoying buzzwords. We prefer to call it an unrequested fission surplus.

Lenny: The team’s been horrible since it was bought by that cheap and heartless Duff Corporation. Hey Moe, gimme a Duff. (drinks). Oh yeah. Sweeet Duff.

Homer: When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle! They're on TV!

Apu: Oh look. It's Mr. Homer, my favorite customer. Please feel free to flip through my Playdudes and eat my raw bacon and tell me to go back to some country I'm not actually from.

Chief Wiggum: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a...car of some sort; heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

Homer: Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies, and kids with fake Ids.

Ralph: Hi Principal Skinner. Hi Supernintendo Chalmers.

Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)

Moe: Oh. Am I really that ugly?
Carl: Ah, Moe, it's all relative. Is Lenny that dumb? Is Barney that drunk? Is Homer that lazy, bald, and fat?
Moe: Ahhh. It's worse than I thought!
(Moe, Lenny, Barney, and Homer begin crying)
Carl: (looking at the camera) See this is why I don't talk much.

Chief Wiggum: See ya in court, Simpson. Oh, and bring the evidence with ya, otherwise, I got no case and you'll go scot-free.

Homer: Milton, get out.
Milhouse: But it's MilHOUSE.
Homer: Yeah, and your father's no house.

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.