Simpsons Friday

Homer: No TV and no beer make Homer something something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!

Bart: Cool! A lie detector! Lisa is a dork. Lisa is a dork.
Lisa: Dad, make him stop!
Homer: Well according to this he's telling the truth.

Chief Wiggum: Sarah, you’re as lovely as the day I first arrested you.
Sarah: Oh, Clancy!
Chief: You know, I planted that crystal meth just to meet you. I was so shy...
Trent Steel: You like Thai?
Homer: Tie good. You like shirt?

Chief Wiggum: Did you trace the phone number?
Lou: Sure did, chief.
Chief Wiggum: 555… aww, it’s gotta be phony.

Homer: Dammit. I'm no supervising technician. I'm a technical supervisor. It's too late to teach this old dog new tricks.

Hypnotist: You are all very good players.
Team: We are all very good players.
Hypnotist: You will beat Shelbyville!
Team: We will beat Shelbyville.
Hypnotist: You will give one hundred and ten percent!
Team: That’s impossible. No one can give more than one hundred percent. By definition that is the most anyone can give.

Homer: Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.

Milhouse: Remember when he ate my goldfish, and then you lied to me and said I never had any goldfish. But why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?

Homer: Awww, twenty dollars… I wanted a peanut!
Homer’s brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how.
Homer’s brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer: Woo-hoo!

Milhouse: I'm free next weekend. There's plenty of Milhouse to go around!

Flanders: Son-of-a-diddly!